I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize