opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
