erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
