What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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