The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
