Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
