How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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