Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
