You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
