After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
