Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
