did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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