sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize