the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
