The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
