I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
