last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
