batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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