on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
