Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize