shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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