I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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