im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
They took my balls.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
