I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
