So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
