just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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