Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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