fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
