everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
