Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
