Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
