Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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