They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
