is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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