Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
