how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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