Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
