Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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