turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
