So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
