my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
