i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize