first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
