Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
