we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
