Your tits are I can't wait for
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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