I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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