Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize