i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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