Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
