i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
