I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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