Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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