She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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