Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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