using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
