3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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