I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
