He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize