Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
