Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
