Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
