i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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