so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize