He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
