separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
