stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize