really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
