So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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