Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
