I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
