so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
