Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
