I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
