Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
