I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize