Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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