when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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