The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
