like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
