It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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