Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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