I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize