Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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