dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
