Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
