I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you will always have a special place in my vag
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
