I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize