I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
