you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
