I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
