Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
