dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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