There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
