You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm bleeding and have questions
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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