Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
