did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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